Click on Picture to Watch Video of Riding in Taxi in Shanghai

In business and in life, we have lines to follow. The line between respect and disrespect. The line between Trust and Dishonesty. The line between Right and Wrong. And the line between you and the other cars on the opposite side of the road.

Some of the lines are short while others are quite long. There is a short line between truth and a lie. But there is a long line between honor and justice.

During my trip this fall to Shanghai, China for team coach and business coach training, I learned that lines are merely “optional”. In every way! My first experience was driving to my hotel in a Taxi. At one point I asked my host, “Do you have speed limits in China?” (as I clutched the seat in front of me) Yes, but they are just a suggestion. Then in the daylight I noticed how people walk in the streets with the bikes, motorcycles and cars. Side of street and direction don’t matter. And U-turns are always an option.

The more I watched the movement of people around the city, I thought of how this perception of mine which I called Chaos in Motion, is a similar other to how a business team may function.

The lines we establish or that are put in place for us to follow, are nothing more than suggestions. It doesn’t necessarily matter who put the lines down for us to follow. Whether we follow them is purely a matter of ‘in the eyes of the beholder’. But working within a team, not following the line, can cause a great deal of friction. It can breakdown communication and attack our productivity.

Crossing into someone else’s lane is perhaps the most critical of all. It means that you are pressing into another’s territory without permission and that is a violation of rules of engagement. In a  business team environment it is often labeled as passive aggressive positioning. In a car in Shanghai, it is merely aggressive maneuvering and that with the loudest horn often wins.

But for your team, this violation can be catastrophic over time. And I have to ask, can you afford it?

So what do you do if you find that people on your team have taken the ‘Lines are Optional” mantra to heart? Here are 5 simple action steps to support you in getting back in order.

1. Identify your Motive for Wanting Change. This is key to know what position you are presently speaking from.
2. Speak from a Place of I not U. It is important to focus on your feelings and needs and avoid pointing fingers at the other person. And when you identify your Step One above it makes this part very easy.
3. Ask for what you Want. You can’t ask if you don’t clearly know. So by taking the time to identify what you need and tie it to tangible results, you will have greater impact on the other person.
4. Keep the Circle Small. Go to the person who has crossed the line individually. Express the above three steps one:one this will keep it about you and I vs. You and the rest of the team. If that doesn’t work and you don’t see a change with your request, then consider who you might go to for help.
5. Beware of becoming a Line Judge. If you have found that you are also an offender, then beware of speaking too openly against others at this time. Perhaps a team meeting setting some boundaries and ground rules is in order. Get everyone on the same page first before you become the line judge.

What tips can you share to help others navigate the roadway when people cross over the line?

Alas, I have returned to blogging after a much needed respite. You see, I took time off to reorganize my thoughts about why I am a blogger and what mark I want to leave with the world as a result.

In the mix of my time off, I had the blessed opportunity to go to Shanghai, China on business. It was a 10 day extraordinary opportunity that pushed me to a new edge, both personally and professionally.

The trip was a gift on every level and at every turn. I am thankful to fellow coach Dr. Gary Waldron for the introduction and referral to my new friends in Shanghai. You see, this trip came about because of the power of my professional network. So when you are at the breaking point with your networking, I would ask you if you are ‘networking strategically or emotionally?’ Strategic gets you to things like international travel, emotional gets you to smile.

My China experience was far too extraordinary for only words, but with several photo’s that I snapped perhaps you can go there with me for a brief moment. The new learning for me, which you know I always like to learn new things, was three-fold. Over the next several days I will share each of the three new insights I took from Shanghai and how I believe it will transform your relationships, your business and your life.

But first, I must share the best thing that I took away from China. It’s a bonus item my new friends in Shanghai shared with me and a gift for you.

“I am GOOD with Chopsticks! Especially for a left handed woman!!”

Now you may be asking, what’s the value in that? Well, other than the fact I didn’t know how to ask for a fork in Chinese, so if I wanted to enjoy the amazing food…you get the picture. But moreover, I wanted to be immersed as much as possible within the culture. And what I realize now looking back, is that is so much of who I want to be every single day. With my family. With my friends. With my clients. I want to be immersed in them.

The value for me is in the depth of being with someone, on their terms, in their community, discovering their world. Removing self from the equation and being totally present to who they are being, right now. And here I thought I did that already. Boy was I wrong.

It took removing me from my familiar surroundings and comfort zone in such a radical (for me) way, to see how I want to be in the world.

It took removing my ability to effectively communicate, to understand what I want to say.

It took removing my ability to daily tell my family I love them, to feel their love.

It took immersing me in a land of strangers to simply Stop. Breathe. Be.

What do you suppose immersing yourself in a new culture, with only chopsticks, would do for your life? I’d love hear your thoughts below. Until next time, may you embrace the power to Stop. Breathe. Be. YOU!

[Shared with permission from The Pacific Institute, Lou Tice, Chairman]

I have a question for you today. How big is your container? You do have one, you know.

Years ago, a farmer brought an amazing pumpkin to a county fair.  It was big and orange, in every aspect a perfect pumpkin.  But it was the exact size and shape of a two-gallon jug.  After it had won a blue ribbon, someone asked the farmer how in the world he had managed to produce such a wonder.  He chuckled a bit and said, “Shucks! Wasn’t anything to it!  Soon as the blossom started to grow, I just stuck it inside a cider jar and the pumpkin took care of the rest.”  If you think I’m kidding, just check out the square watermelons available later this summer!

Just like that pumpkin, the shape of your life is determined by the size and shape of the container in which you hold it. That container is made up of your beliefs about what is possible, your expectations of what will happen, and – most of all – your thoughts about yourself and the world you live in.

Many of your beliefs about what is possible for you were put there by someone else when you were just starting to blossom. But what would your life look like if you were able to let yourself grow without the limits of other people’s ideas about you? Children are often forced to shrink to fit the size of their containers by adults who don’t know any better. The good news is that, unlike our two-gallon pumpkin, once we are grown we still have the choice to be different.

So, look at your beliefs – where they came from and how they limit you.  Then, make some choices for yourself based on how big you’d like your mind and spirit to grow.

Please share your thoughts and comments below. I am curious what you think about the containers you may use that just might be holding you back?

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Interestingly I have found this topic to be surfacing in many circles lately. It clearly is a top of mind dialogue for people.

Whether it’s coaching leaders, teams or entrepreneurs – engagement is a hot topic.

However, I believe that ‘employee engagement’ is being promoted too far ahead as the leader on the “needs” paradigm and that we are missing the main point.

Employee Engagement (in my experience) is less about what my organization does for me or offers me and more about what I offer the company.

Bottom line: “is what I am doing here making a difference and does it matter?”

When I see the greater purpose of my work and how I fit into the bigger picture for my team, my company, my family – I am engaged. I am setting my sights on my productivity. I am proactive and creative in my approach to my work.

For decades we have thrown training, bells and whistles, dangled carrots and shaken sticks to get employees engaged.  But more people now than ever before are setting out to be their own boss. So apparently something isn’t working.

So why is that? I believe it’s because people at a root level want to know their place and what that they do makes a difference.

The question then becomes – How will I tell my team, show my team, that what they do makes a difference to the greater whole? That what they do matters?

By opening up that line of communication, we create a dynamic culture that is engaged.

A different view point to look at this powerful question from. A different dynamic in the dialogue around engagement. Tell me, what makes you feel ‘engaged’ within your organization and what improves your productivity?

Many of my friends and coaching clients comment on the various expressions I share. If you have hung out with me at all, been on a telecall of mine, follow me on Facebook, or even listened to me speak at an event, you’ve probably heard a saying or two that have caused you to pause.

Well, today on Facebook a friend of mine asked me what the expression Hokey Dinah really meant. Apparently she had been meaning to ask the question for some time. (Um, apparently I use it quite frequently.)

Well Judy Dunn I have the definition for you!

For many years we have all heard fellow business owners use Oprah as a goal or even success strategy. You know how the saying goes, ‘I want to be on Oprah’ or ‘I’m waiting for Oprah to call.”

Over the span of my career as a business coach and growth strategist, I have nurtured many a dream from well meaning, success focused entrepreneurs, to get a seat with Oprah. In fact, one CEO and I went shopping for the outfit she would wear when Oprah came calling. Nearly 4 years later and that outfit is still in the closet of the well intentioned CEO.

Well as today comes to a close, and the 25 year legacy of the Oprah Show comes to an end, what will ambitious business owners do now? What happens to all those goals and dreams of hitting it big time and getting a seat with Miss O herself?

What will become the next universal ‘Intention Statement’ of our time?

After the Kleenex box get’s put back on the shelf. When love in the afternoon Oprah style, fades to black. Now that the hope of getting you and your product on the Favorite Things show is obsolete. What will motivate you forward in your business?

Fear not. While the Oprah Effect for business has for all intents and purposes come to an end, I have compiled a few tips to keep you moving toward your goals. For Y.O.U.

1.) Design your best life for Y.O.U. (Your Own Universe). It’s great that we have had an iconic female to learn from, be encouraged by and simply marvel at for the past 25 years. And friend, may I be so bold as to say…it’s time for you to become the center of your universe and be your success. That is in fact what Miss O. modeled for us so eloquently.

Stop trying to achieve a mark of acknowledgment from anyone else. Just go for the prize that inspires you on the inside. Delight your customer and they will take you higher and higher than you ever imagined possible. What might that feel like?

2.) Be bold enough to be on the cover of your own magazine. Now is the time to bring your personal brilliance forward and share it with the world.

The only thing in your way is the limiting belief you hold around going after what you want.

3.) Flip your own light switch to ON. Know what sparks the light within you so you can light the world. It’s in the place of knowing your personal truth that will take you from dimly light bulb to the brightest on the street.

It’s the differentiator in your business that separates you from everyone else.

4.) Be of Service vs. Being for Fame. When you can stand in the space of a go-giver for the benefit of others, you will open yourself up to receive ten-fold what you give away. Too often people get starry eyed and look for the big city lights to shine on their parade. In transparency, I’ve never seen that work out for very long.

And last, but certainly not least.

5.) Know your truth. When you live, work and play from that space, you will manifest great things in the world. Make every single day a testimony to that truth. The people who made it on Oprah’s favorite things list or to her show with their story did exactly that.

They knew their authentic truth and it infiltrated their business and their life at every level.

The world will move on from the Oprah Winfrey Show and onto someone or something else. Lord knows there are many people waiting in the wings to fill her size 10.5 shoes. (And the girl had some great shoes!) But the reality is, no one can. Just like no other person can do what you do in the world when you are the center of Your Own Universe.

How do you see the world changing post Oprah?

What will you offer to others who have lived for 25 years with Oprah guiding their path and dreams for life and business success?

For more than a few years, I have been told that I am a creative person. Well, with the exception of my Kindergarten teacher who wanted to hold me back because, as she said, “Tammy doesn’t color inside the lines.”  Now, in today’s world, that is a sign of creativity; but in 1973 it was a sign that I wasn’t up to the level of my classmates.

Thankfully, my mother had some passion and shared her thoughts with Mrs. Allbright. Needless to say, I passed Kindergarten with a full box of crayons. And today, my coaching clients appreciate my tenacity when I encourage them to “go outside the lines”.

Creativity isn’t something that can be coerced. Not in life, or in business. It is, in fact, something that goes to the essence of who you are as a human being… not a human doing.

As a child, I expressed myself everyday with words and actions that were considered to be ‘outside the lines’ of the accepted norm. Today, I recognize how that was a true gift for my future.

I have continued to nurture my creativity. For me, the waves at the beach are perhaps one of the greatest examples of artful expression.  Simply standing in their presence, and listening to the crashing of the waves on the rocks has a creative and transformative power. As time passes, the panorama is changed by the affect of the elements. And so it is with you and me.

Without realizing it, you may be constructing a life that is void of ‘heart expression’. Are you allowing words that are meant to wound and destroy to penetrate your soul and smother your inner artist? There is change happening, but is it the change you want to see at the end of your journey?

What could happen if you unleashed your self-expression in the same way that waves relentlessly beat against the shore? What if you even colored outside of the lines of your life? Not in a form of destruction, but creatively, to mold and shape your tomorrow.

How will you be a different you in your community, simply by standing boldly in the sway of what is before you, and making deliberate movement toward your goal?

A beautiful post on ‘Your Inner Artist’ by Ralph Marston perhaps says it best: “All that you know, all you experience, all that you feel and love, will fuel your beautiful and unique creativity.” Ralph Marston  (Read more from Ralph)

Three tools for unleashing your artist within.

1.) Even iPhone Apps appeal to those seeking ways to unleash their creative side.

2.) Reach for your full creative potential with a guided course to Release Your Inner Artist.

3.) Color outside the lines with a new box of 64 Crayola Crayons

Questions from the Coach:

How has your dance with creativity been squelched because of the words of another person?

What if you were to take back that creative side? How might that transform your life and business?

What does taking back the creative self look like?

That phrase is a cliché, I know; but at the same time, for the overwhelmed entrepreneur, it’s like ‘music to thine ears’. Whether a busy solopreneur, business owner or latest expert of fill-in-the-blank-industry, many times we swirl about like the raging waves crashing into the shoreline of ‘broke, busted and disgusted’. I actually find that to be a sad truth with my coaching clients much too often. After all, aren’t we in business for ourselves for personal freedom?

Why, then, do we not push that proverbial pause button, and take time out to live our lives with intention?  Where did we learn to continually press toward the goal at all costs, without taking time to be at ease and embrace our blessings–even if it is painful.

Make this personal!  What are you waiting for? What if tomorrow never comes?  What if you arrive at the end of your well-traveled road, only to realize that you missed your own life along the way?

Not long ago, I was faced with a major occurrence in my life. However, I chose not to succumb to the fear or the doom and gloom; instead, I focused on peace. Why, Tammy, would you be at peace during your turmoil? Because I knew that I simply needed to be present in the moment…even in the confusion of it all. I knew, beyond all knowing, that if I chose not to embrace this upheaval, I could quite possibly miss one of my life’s most significant lessons. That cost was too high a price to pay.

When most people I know would have kept pushing and prodding along, I took a timeout. There were people who chastised me, and even mocked me, for the outward appearance of my choice.  Perhaps I didn’t handle it as gracefully as I could have, but you see, it wasn’t about anyone else or their learning opportunity. It was for me and my life moment.

“Taking a timeout to smell the roses, and pull out the thorns along the way, isn’t about anyone else, it is about you and only you.”

On the other side of my timeout, as I resurfaced into reality, I found that the pause was truly the best gift I could have given myself. I came back stronger, and with greater clarity, in all areas of my life and business, not just the area that was currently under attack. Thankfully, I had a coach who supported me as I found my path back to full strength. I never go into battle without the tool of that support!

What has you spinning right now? Where do you go to find your peace of mind and clarity of direction when things seem to be swirling out of control? Do you actually take a timeout, or do you keep pushing forward?

Following my experience, I made a list of the “Why’s” for taking a timeout to smell the roses and observe your life. Not only will your personal life be impacted, but your business will as well. More importantly, after you’ve done all you can, taking a stand for you in the ‘busyness’ of your daily activity is necessary breath to your life.

If you choose to implement any of these reasons I’ve listed, great!  Your life will never be the same. If you decide to ignore the list and continue to push, mark this day on your calendar and see where you are at the end of the year. There is no criticism in that;   just chart your path to see what you get and how you feel at the end of that time.

Tammy’s Top 5 Reasons for Taking a Time Out and Smelling the Roses

1.) The picture window of your future needs a cleaning

2.) That chatter in your head deserves the mute button

3.) There is more to life than what you have been living – you just need to notice

4.) It’s time to stand up and prepare for that miracle

5.) You have one life to live – live it with intention

This blog post is a continuation of my musings from 2010, which focused on many learning and coaching lessons.  Today, I have a call to action for you!

It is time for transparency. Even when working with action-oriented business owners, I realize there are times when all the coaching I can offer won’t produce change in them, or their situation. Bold statement?  Yes!  I am certain some service professionals are aghast at the thought, but it is true.  All of the coaching, powerful as it may be, will not help to transform a situation until the client is ready to make the change.

Not until the individual sees and comprehends the end result as being necessary, or even possible, can they make a course correction. Often that requires digging deep within, so as to find the clarity necessary for the desired outcome.

In short, there are times in our lives when we realize that the effectiveness in pulling ourselves together and pressing in starts with how I see me. Sometimes we need to be reminded WHY it’s important to keep pulling…pulling yourself up by your Bootstraps.

Let’s start with the Meaning and Origin of “Pull yourself up by your Boot Straps”

Meaning

Improve your situation by your own efforts.

Origin

The origin of this phrase isn’t certain, but refers to boots and their straps (laces).  It describes the imagined feat of someone being able to lift himself off the ground by pulling on his bootstraps. This is supposed to exemplify the achievement of getting out of a difficult situation through  one’s own efforts.

The phrase was known by the early 20th century. James Joyce alluded to it in Ulysses, 1922:

“There were others who had forced their way to the top from the lowest rung by the aid of their bootstraps.”

Now we can get into the WHY factor.

Some of the greatest rewards come from finishing that  remarkable act, which at first seemed insurmountable on our own.  Wise people often seek outside support in the process. But when you’re ‘flying solo’ in your effort to weather the proverbial storm, it is crucial to define why you are in the battle and the goal you see on the other side of the storm.  Without that powerful combination, bootstraps are only adornments on your cute little boots.

I found this concept to be pivotal during some very challenging personal situations in 2010. I found myself in a difficult situation, not by choice; I was the only one who could pull me out.  It was necessary for me to be clear about my end result and set my intentions accordingly.  The bootstraps came in handy for those days when I wanted to pull the covers over my head and hide. (As if that would have improved anything!)

I am sharing my 7 reasons for using your Bootstraps:

1.  Gets you ‘out of your own head’

2.  Puts the focus on the end result

3.  Nobody likes a whiner

4.  The prize in the end is integrity and self respect

5.  Your circumstance is only as bad as your imagination allows

6.  ‘Duck and Cover’ is not a success strategy

7.  Standing on the other side of the Finish Line, with success in your rearview mirror, elevates your self-esteem to new heights. And that produces $$ in the end!

The next time you find yourself in a situation that feels insurmountable or just plain infuriating, picture the end result.  That visualization will motivate you to pull yourself up and out of the spot you are currently in, with the aid of the proverbial bootstraps. Success is better in the rearview mirror every time!

When have bootstraps come in handy for you in business or life?

What do you do to keep the focus on the end result?

Please share your thoughts with our community, we all can learn from one another.

 
Have you noticed that people today seem more hesitant with their generosity?
 
Have you seen a shift toward giving in order to move into position for taking?
 
I have observed these changes and it saddens me, because I personally understand the strength that is found in having a go-giver heart. My experience has been that the power in the give is far greater than the gain.
 
For some this may be a bit much to bite off and chew on, but stay with me.  
 
Each day is made up of choices: to get up or stay in bed, to smile or frown, to eat or not eat, to go to work or stay home.  I realize this isn’t rocket science, so let’s add one more choice to the list.
 
Each day you have the choice to give or take. In business, as in life, your choice directly affects your level of success.
 
Giving isn’t about your potential as a human being, or the size of your pocket book. Giving is a heart motive, and has everything to do with how many people you want to impact in the world. It’s all about sharing your talent, your product and your smile-everywhere. In fact (here it comes), your level of giving impacts the size of your bank account as well.
 
“Your income (or success) is directly proportional to the number of lives you touch.” as we are told in The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann
 
Before you judge others and their success, or question the motives of someone who merely wants to be a blessing in your life, try looking at things from a different perspective.  Consider how your life and your circumstances might be changed if you would choose to be a Go-Giver. Seek out and find as many people as you can, and touch their lives with good.
 
Refuse to be mediocre, or to play it safe by holding things close to the vest. Be vigilant in your efforts to inspire others through the good you can do in the world.  You and your business will be so much better as a result.  .
 
If you answered yes to either of the questions I first asked, I encourage you to ask them of yourself. In fact, if you are not gaining the momentum you desire for your life in order to have maximum impact in the world, it’s time to pause. Turn the mirror on you, and ask yourself these questions:
 
1. Am I achieving the results I want?
 
2. What do I have in common with the people who are the takers, the givers?
 
3. How many people do I want to touch in the world?
 
4. How am I tracking my impact currently?
 
5. As a result of what I’ve learned here, what will I do differently?
 
In this community of Go-Givers it’s important to share our stories, even the ones that challenge us, so we can all learn and grow together.
 
What is your Go-Give story, and how has it impacted your life?