Do you find yourself sitting alone on February 14th each year feeling blue instead of flushed with red? Are you one of the many who set high expectations for the day only to be let down by a partner who buys wilted roses from the market? Or do you buy your own box of chocolates, take a bite from each one and dream of sharing the other half with your imaginary Valentine? If you answered yes to any of the above questions then you are in serious need of a surefire way to enjoying this February 14th!
Let’s start with taking a look at yourself in the mirror. Exquisite Self-Care tip #8 was written with this in mind. Take 5 minutes to stare in the mirror at the beautiful person looking back. Write down what you notice about that person, how you feel and the essence quality inside. This simple tip gets you activated on how you see yourself, and that often is in direct alignment with how you show up in the world. When we see the truest part of our whole being, we can better connect to our goals and vision for what we want.
Now that you know what you want, you don’t have to settle for any holiday doldrums. You can create the experience you want for Valentines Day and surround yourself with love and admiration, which is the heart of the holiday anyway. If you can’t give that to yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to give it to you either.
Try these 5 surefire ways to a love inspired Valentines Day.
- Treat yourself to an evening at the Spa! Don’t wait for someone else to shower you with affection love on yourself instead by heading out to the spa for a treat. Even if you don’t have the $50 for a Mani/Pedi or Massage, spend $10 on your favorite treat, light some candles, draw a bath with bubbles, put on your favorite CD and indulge yourself in luxury.
- Invite your closest circle of friends over for Topas and Laughs. Share the evening with other friends who are single or without a mate to share the day with. Everyone can bring a delightful treat and you provide the game for laughs. All most people want on Valentines Day is to have connection with others they care about. To be acknowledged as a loving person. Surround yourself with those people in the comfort of your own home.
- Go on a blind date! I know breathe. Now listen, even if you are married, you can set up a blind date with your spouse and have a great evening. If you are single, be bold and ask another single person out or ask that person you have been eying at the water cooler out for drinks. Too much pressure? Get over yourself. If you don’t want to sit home, then take action and make the call.
- Catch a play at the local theater. Community theater has so much to offer and it is an untapped source for entertainment. Most of the plays are low cost and some theaters offer “pay what you can” to engage the community in what’s going on and give back at the same time. Invest in getting to know what’s out in your community and get involved. The theater crowd is warm and engaging, they welcome new faces openly, try it, you may just find a connection you weren’t expecting.
- Bake cookies for the office and share. Often times we get so focused on what we don’t have, that we forget what do have. If you work in an office, you have people around you that care for you and delight in what you do every day. Engage in more than ‘shop talk’ and find ways to inspire others from the action of your heart. It does the body and spirit good to give back without expecting anything in return.
Often times it is the way we look at our situation that affects how we perceive our opportunity or obstacle. Don’t let any event or holiday control the value that you place on YOU. Celebrate the little things, acknowledge all and be in gratitude for the life you have. That is the best gift you can give yourself this Valentine’s Day. Love on yourself!
What is your favorite way to ‘love on yourself’?
How might you share the gift of heart with someone else today?
Please share your tips for avoiding the Valentine’s Day Blues.
Tammy, I spent a great deal of time yesterday thinking about all of my single friends and knowing that February 14th isn’t exactly one of their favorite days.
I love all of your suggestions. Single, partnered, or married, it’s difficult for all of us to get away from society’s lesson that romantic love is the only worthwhile love. We need to learn to see ourselves and other people in a less shallow, more spiritually intimate way! Loving self — genuine love, not ego-mania — is the important first step.
I had a thought about next year: that even though I’m married, I could do something to reach out to my single friends on Valentine’s Day, something to bring people together. But I don’t know how to do it without seeming condescending, or seeming like I’m matchmaking. Heaven forbid!
A year is a long time to think about it, though. I hope I come up with something.
Courtney, my apologies for being late with the reply. It has been one of those weeks.
Thank you for the thoughtful response to the post and also for being so willing to share your feelings on the day.
I am a leader of a women’s group and we celebrated on Wednesday (after the holiday) for our single and married ladies. You know just because they are married doesn’t mean they are acknowledged on the day. I love making cards and spent time with paper and scissors and blessed each with a homemade touch of my heart. A little goes a long way!
And while a year is a long time…doesn’t mean you can’t have spontaneous acts of appreciation and acknowledgment throughout the year.
Hey Tammy. I love the idea of getting together with friends on Valentine’s Day. I don’t know if it’s just me, but the whole “Valentine’s Day” pressure/expectation thing has worn off as I’ve aged. It used to be a day I dreaded – whether I was with a partner or not. Now I don’t really think about it. Joe and I went to a Toastmasters meeting on Valentine’s Day this year. Romantic, huh?
Love the romance on your Valentines day! You know my hubby and I go back and forth. It’s the pressure. I love Judy and Bob Dunn’s approach. It relieves the need to do something as a have to and make it a want to. And hey, toastmasters works!
My husband gave me a beautiful ring a few years ago and I love it still today. When he didnt’ give me anything for a couple of years following…I figured he pre-paid for the holiday. haha, it was a mindset shift.
For me, I like to make my grandmother’s sugar cookie recipe for my friends and family. Nothing says I love than a fresh baked yummy from the oven!
I really like the empowering language and proactive steps you offer here, Tammy, to help people see that WE are ‘at cause’ in our lives and not victims to our partners or anyone else.
You illustrate so well how it’s so important to get really clear on what matters to us and to be responsible for giving that to ourselves on a regular basis.
I might add that, if we are married or partnered, instead of hoping or wishing they would express love or affection in the way we want it, that we actually tell them what makes us feel special and loved. A trap couples often fall into is running scripts in their mind that ‘She should know already I like flowers,’ or ‘I shouldn’t have to tell him I enjoy hearing him tell me he loves me every day.’
This is valuable stuff, Tammy, for singles and couples every day, not just on/for Valentine’s Day!
Thank you Tshombe. I always appreciate your thougthful comments. You are right, it is about what we can cause in our lives. NO VICTIM allowed.
I stay away from ‘shoulding’ all over myself and others. I give because I love to give and I suspend expectation and judgment on the other side. Took me a long time to figure the value in that one. Course Hallmark doesn’t like me for that mindset I am sure. ha, good thing I know who I am in the world!!
Tammy – Thanks for this great post. Valentine’s Day can hold landmines of loneliness, but you have offered several great ideas here. I also like Courtney’s idea, and agree that there is too much pressure around ‘setting people up’ on Valentine’s Day, but a fun gathering of friends always warms our hearts.
My most fun single Valentine’s Day thing to do is make valentines for my friends to tell them I’m glad they are in my life and that I love them. Sometimes they are paper and get mailed, sometimes they are electronic travel by ether.
I find I always appreciate specific and personal appreciations more than those email letters that say, “I’m sending this to you because you are one of my 8 favorite women friends, now send this to 8 more women,” etc.
I’ve noticed that appreciating other people makes me feel good too, but most of all I think that we need to get over Valentine’s Day and let our friends, loved ones, clients, colleagues, whoever, that we appreciate them any time the spirit moves us. I mean, isn’t that really the point?
I hope you had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I did!
I wanted to offer a thought for Courtney about her desire to do something for her single friends next year.
Why not tell your friends what’s on your mind and that you are excited about doing something with/for them next year. What would THEY want and enjoy?
Then, involve them in the planning.
I get that you don’t want to be seen as matchmaking, but what if you made it sort of a game? Maybe you have a lot of single folks over to your house for appetizers and host a Single’s Night Valentine’s Day Cocktail Party?
Maybe you could be silly and fun, and have a bunch of different board games that people play. Or, have a Who-dunnit cocktail party or dinner party or something that gets everyone involved.
Perhaps you have a blind wine tasting party where everyone brings a bottle or two in a gift bag or some other covering. You create (or buy) the score cards and everyone gets to “grade” the wine. At the end, you reveal the bottles so people see what they liked best. It’s always a surprise!
The point is that matchmaking may (or may not) occur, but by creating an atmosphere that’s casual and fun and haven’t specific activities to take any pressure off, people can relax and get to know each other.
That way, there’s no agenda, and at the very least, people get to know new people they might now otherwise would have had opportunity to connect with.
You might even have “door prizes” or gifts for everyone in attendance.
Tshombe, I love your suggestions! Thank you! As I read through your ideas, I’m thinking, “Yes, that’s a good one. Oooh, that would work, too! Mm-hm, I can see that being lots of fun for everyone.” And I wonder why I didn’t think of it all, myself!
Must be the forest-for-the-trees principle at work. ; ) Anyway, you can bet I’m saving these ideas for future reference! Next year’s Valentine’s will be different.
My favorite of the ideas you mention is my involving the single friends in the planning. Thank you. : )
You are so awesome Tshombe!! Thanks for the go-give spirit for our friend Courtney! Open dialogue is a beautiful gift.
Tammy,
Wow. Even if I do have a “Valentine” in my life, this self-care post is rich with ideas. Bob and I share a distaste for the “Hallmark holidays” and so don”t really celebrate Valentine’s Day, other than a nice dinner at home. No cards, no flowers (that they mark up at this time every year.) : )
I’m enjoying the comment, too, especially how we can make our single (or sans partner) friends feel more special.
Thanks for the thoughtful post. I’m saving this list.